im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
