Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
