I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
