My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
