im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
