i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
