First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
