the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
