I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
