the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
