I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
