Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I had to cum in my sink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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