Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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