new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
