I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
