I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
