im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
