I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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