Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
