Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
