I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
