I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
