Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
