I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
