u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh god it's open bar.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
