It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
