Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
