i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
