I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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