just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
