the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
