oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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