idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The beer is more important than you right now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
