you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize