Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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