I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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