She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
