I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ttyl tear gas
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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