dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize