my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
