just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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