from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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