saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i will never coherently bang her
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
