She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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