Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
