Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
