lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
