You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
