get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
