sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
