i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize