Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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