Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
