I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
