i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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