wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
