I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize