tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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