JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
