I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
