Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
