i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
