nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize