Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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