I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
