ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
