thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
