Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
