Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
