whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize