Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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