Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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