I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Randomize
