The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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