About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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