I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
