i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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