I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i now understand why vodka
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
