it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize