glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
