Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
