Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
