So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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