Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
