I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize