Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
