dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
