Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
