I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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