Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
