For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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