Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
