I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize