Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
