you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
